Saturday, September 3, 2011
Eyes Wide Open
blurred faces, spinning buildings, the only thing clear is you. So powerful, so unique. I catch your eye and wonder what made you notice me, my smile gives away my feelings. Sitting on the bench looking out on to senior square, you are a sight to be seen, and what am i, just an average human being. You call out my name and wave me over... and that's how this all started, just a simple smile shared between you and me.
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"blurred faces, spinning buildings, the only thing clear is you. So powerful, so unique." What makes this so strong and lovely are the little adjective phrases. It gives the opening a sense of rhythm and really puts one in the moment of it.
ReplyDeleteI just love how simple and sweet this is, really. And totally cute. It's very poppy and bubbly, and at the same time balanced.
This is such a strong, short passage. Your use of words are amazing. I wish you would tell the rest of this story and keep going as strong as it started out :)
ReplyDeleteI really love how you wrote this, it really does have a rhythm and it makes it that much more fun to read (:
ReplyDeleteYou posted this at my house when I was trying to sleep!! Hahaha Okay best friend mode done. I really love how you wrote this. Like the other girls said up there, It was very powerful. I would make it longer though, because right when I feel like I get into, it ends. I feel disappointed that it was over. You for sure left me wanting more, which is good, but I think you should add a few more strong and powerful lines in the middle. Overall good job Kels:)
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